April Fagaragan on Reclaiming the Night, Rewriting Her Story and Rising Into Her Next Chapter

An intimate conversation about transformation, identity, spirituality and the power of turning lived experience into art.

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What first inspired NOCTURNE IN BLUE, and what story did you want this editorial to tell?

NOCTURNE IN BLUE was born during one of the darkest chapters of my life, a period I describe as my Dark Night of the Soul. I was navigating my divorce, processing the abuse and emotional torment I had endured, and coming to terms with discovering that I have Trisomy X at 39. The diagnosis also helped me understand certain experiences from my childhood and adulthood in a completely different way. Rather than allow those experiences to define me, I wanted to transform them into something meaningful and beautiful. The concept represents three versions of myself: the woman I was, the woman I am and the woman I’m becoming. Even the fashion carried that symbolism. I incorporated an older piece of clothing as a connection to my past and paired it with Vivienne Westwood jewelry that brought my personality and individuality into the look. I chose the swimming pool at my home because it is my safe place and deeply connected to my spirituality. Then, through the levitation imagery, I wanted to represent the evolved and elevated version of myself—the woman rising beyond what once held her down. Every creative decision became part of the story. NOCTURNE IN BLUE allowed me to take experiences that were once painful and give them a completely different purpose through art. I turned my pain into power.

Why blue, and why the night? What do these two elements mean to you in this story?

Blue carries so many emotions for me. It can represent sorrow and loneliness, but it can also represent reflection, healing, tranquility and peace. The night represents my Dark Night of the Soul—the period of my life when I had to confront things I could no longer ignore. Then there is the water. My swimming pool contains healing crystals and holds a deeply personal spiritual meaning for me. During each full moon, it becomes part of my personal practice of renewal and regeneration. That made the location much more than a beautiful backdrop. It was my sanctuary. The water represents cleansing and release. The night represents what I had been through. The blue represents the emotional space between pain and peace.

And then I rise.The levitation imagery completes that transformation. I wanted the final images to show that darkness was part of my journey, but it was never going to be my destination.

As both the model and the creative director, how do you shape a concept before the shoot day, and how much of it changes once you are in front of the camera?

I’m very intentional about my creative process. I don’t create photo shoots simply to add images to my portfolio. Every project needs a vision, purpose and story. For NOCTURNE IN BLUE, I developed the emotional foundation first and then built the visual world around it. I selected the wardrobe, Vivienne Westwood jewelry, location and creative team. I worked with photographer Geoffrey Garcia, makeup artist Angela Esparza and nail artist Zaylee of @polishvoidz because I wanted each artist’s individual talent to contribute to the story.

Music was equally important. I personally curated a playlist specifically for the production. Once the music begins, I can fully enter the emotional world I’ve created. My movements, expressions, body language and energy naturally begin responding to the soundtrack.

That’s where my roles as model and creative director meet.

Before the shoot, I create the framework. Once I’m in front of the camera, I allow myself to stop directing every moment and actually feel it.

I also leave room for the other artists to respond instinctively. Some of the most powerful images happen when everyone understands the vision but still has the freedom to bring something unexpected to it.

It becomes almost cinematic. The story is being directed, performed and captured at the same time.

Looking back on your eight years of modeling, what was the moment you decided to build your career independently?

There wasn’t one defining moment. It was something I gradually realized through experience.

I couldn’t wait for someone else to recognize my potential before I recognized it myself.

Building my career independently meant learning much more than modeling. I learned how to represent myself professionally, build relationships, develop my portfolio, negotiate opportunities, organize productions and submit my work for publication.

Over the past three years, that work has grown into an internationally published editorial portfolio that includes magazine features and covers.

Sometimes I genuinely have to look back and remind myself how far I’ve come.

Independence taught me that creating your own opportunities doesn’t mean you don’t need other people. It means you take responsibility for your direction while choosing the right people to build with.

That distinction changed my career.

What made you want to step into creative direction, and how has it changed the way you work as a model?

My background in makeup artistry gave me an appreciation for beauty, detail and visual expression long before I stepped into creative direction.

Eventually, I realized I didn’t want to contribute only what happened in front of the camera.

I wanted to create the world around the photograph.

Over the past four years, I’ve developed my experience in creative direction, alongside three years of editorial publication and storytelling. I began developing concepts, selecting wardrobe, creating visual references and thinking about how every element contributes to the final story.

It completely changed the way I model.

I’m no longer thinking only about the pose. I’m thinking about what the photograph is communicating, what emotion the audience should feel and how my body language contributes to the narrative.

Creative direction also taught me something important about leadership: having a vision doesn’t mean controlling everyone around you.

The best creative direction gives talented people a strong foundation and then allows them to bring their own artistry into it.

How has being based in Hawaiʻi influenced your style, your ideas and the way you see beauty?

Being born and raised in Hawaiʻi gave me an appreciation for cultural diversity, individuality and natural beauty.

As a Filipino woman from Hawaiʻi, I grew up surrounded by different cultures, traditions and ways of expressing identity. That shaped the way I see beauty—it was never just one thing.

Living in Los Angeles and traveling internationally expanded that perspective even further. I’ve been influenced by fashion and visual cultures beyond Hawaiʻi, and I’m constantly interested in discovering new ones.

My work can move from ethereal and romantic to avant-garde or dark and cinematic because I don’t believe an artist has to exist within one aesthetic.

Hawaiʻi is my foundation, but it is not the boundary of my creativity.

I want to take what has shaped me here and continue creating with artists, cultures and perspectives from around the world.

You speak about beauty beyond conventional standards. What does that mean to you, and how do you bring it into your work?

Beauty, to me, is individuality.

At 39, I discovered that I have Trisomy X, also known as Triple X syndrome, a genetic condition in which a female has an additional X chromosome.

I discovered it during pregnancy after genetic screening initially raised concerns. Further investigation revealed that the finding was related to my own chromosomes.

Learning that at 39 gave me an entirely new perspective on myself. As I researched Trisomy X, certain experiences from childhood began making more sense.

It became another part of learning who I am rather than something I needed to hide.

That’s why beauty beyond conventional standards is personal to me.

I’m a woman in my forties. I’m a mother of four. I have Trisomy X. I’m a model, actor and creative director, and I’m still expanding creatively and professionally.

None of those things cancel the others out.

I want women to understand that being different doesn’t diminish their beauty or their potential.

Sometimes the very thing that makes you different is what makes your story worth telling.

Was there a time in your career when you felt pressure to fit a certain image? How did you handle it?

Fashion will always expose you to opinions about how you should look, behave or present yourself.

What I’ve learned is that if you spend your entire career trying to satisfy everybody else’s expectations, eventually you lose the very thing that makes you interesting.

I don’t want to build a career around becoming someone I’m not.

Instead, I’ve become more selective.

Not every project is meant for me, and I don’t need every opportunity simply because it exists. I want to work with people who respect what I bring creatively and professionally.

I would rather build something authentic over time than become someone else’s version of what a model is supposed to be.

You are very intentional about the artists you work with. What do you look for in a creative partner, and how do you know when the chemistry is right?

I look for passion, communication, mutual respect and artists who can understand a vision without losing their own creative identity.

NOCTURNE IN BLUE is a perfect example.

Geoffrey Garcia, Angela Esparza and Zaylee each brought something distinct to the production. The photography, makeup and nail artistry became part of the same visual language as the wardrobe, location and music.

Nothing was accidental.

But collaboration isn’t about telling talented people exactly what to do.

When the chemistry is right, everyone feels comfortable exchanging ideas, experimenting and taking creative risks.

Some of the people I’ve worked with professionally have become genuine friends, and some have helped me discover creative abilities in myself beyond modeling.

That’s what I value most.

At the end of a production, I don’t want to feel that people simply helped execute my idea. I want us to feel that we created something together that none of us would have made in exactly the same way alone.

Building an independent career takes resilience. What has been the biggest challenge so far, and what did it teach you?

One of my greatest challenges has been continuing to pursue my ambitions while carrying significant responsibilities in my personal life.

I’m a mother of four. I’ve also had to rebuild my life after leaving an abusive marriage and navigate my divorce without legal representation.

I had to advocate for myself, gather what I needed and make difficult decisions about my future.

That experience changed me.

It taught me preparation, independence, boundaries and the importance of knowing my own worth.

Those lessons followed me into my career.

Being self-managed requires me to advocate for myself professionally as well—to negotiate, recognize when something isn’t right for me and make decisions that protect the direction I’m building.

Resilience, to me, isn’t pretending nothing hurts.

It’s allowing yourself to learn from what happened without allowing it to decide what happens next.

How have your experiences shaped you as a woman and as an artist over the years?

Motherhood, marriage, divorce, adversity, my Trisomy X diagnosis, spirituality and my creative career have all shaped different parts of me.

I’ve learned to protect my peace, establish boundaries and recognize my worth.

But one of the greatest lessons has been learning to trust God even when I don’t understand the path in front of me.

There were years when I couldn’t see how certain experiences could possibly connect to where I was going.

Now I can look back and recognize that those seasons were preparing me.

Some taught me resilience. Some taught me independence. Some taught me compassion. Others forced me to discover parts of myself I might never have explored otherwise.

That perspective has also changed me as an artist.

I no longer create simply because something looks beautiful. I want there to be something underneath the beauty.

NOCTURNE IN BLUE embodies that evolution. The older clothing represented my past. The Vivienne Westwood jewelry expressed my individuality. The pool represented healing and spirituality. The levitation represented who I am becoming.

I believe God has led me through every chapter toward where I need to be, even when I couldn’t recognize it at the time.

Now I can take those experiences and create something from them.

Where do you see your work going next, and is there a dream project or collaboration you would love to bring to life?

I see my work expanding worldwide.

I don’t want to place geographical limits on where I can model, act, create or collaborate. Creativity exists everywhere, and I want to remain open to wherever the right opportunity, artist or story may lead me.

I would love to collaborate with international fashion houses, visionary photographers, filmmakers, designers, musicians and artists from different cultures and creative disciplines.

My dream is to create large-scale productions where high fashion, cinematic storytelling, music and performance exist together—something immersive that feels larger than a traditional editorial.

I also want to continue using my platform to bring awareness to Trisomy X and encourage women to embrace the qualities and experiences that make them different.

After eight years of professional modeling, four years of creative direction and three years of editorial publication, I don’t look at those years simply as time spent building a résumé.

I see them as preparation.

I believe God has been leading me throughout this journey and preparing me through every season for where I’m meant to go next. I don’t need to limit that destination by deciding in advance exactly where it has to be.

I want to remain open to the world, open to growth and open to the opportunities God places in front of me.

My creativity has no borders. My faith gives me direction. And wherever this journey takes me next, I want the work I leave behind to have meaning.

OFFICIAL EDITORIAL CREDITS

NOCTURNE IN BLUE

Model & Creative Director: April Fagaragan

Photography: Geoffrey Garcia

Makeup Artist: Angela Esparza

Nail Artist: Zaylee — @polishvoidz

Wardrobe Styling & Music Curation: April Fagaragan